Anyhow...down to business and here are some of my issues:
~I have a TERRIBLE temper (at least once a month I do anyhow)
~I LOVE sleeping (my favorite place in the house is my bed)
~I DO NOT want to go back to work! (which brings me to my next confession)
~I LOVE being lazy (at least while at home)
~I don't stand up for myself NEARLY enough
~I have anxiety issues.....BIG TIME
~I have an eating disorder
Interesting...she really IS screwed up! And if you are wondering why in the world this girl is coming out and confessing these terrible things...well because they are things that need to be fixed...for me and my family.
If you don't know me very well...I'll give you a quick recap of the last 4 years...
I met my (now) husband online while trying to stay a far distance from men as I had recently discovered the guy I had JUST broken up with was big into drugs. I was a single mum living in low income housing at the time and had absolutely NO interest in being with someone like that...and therefore...ANY man at that time...He had lied to me over and over again trying to hide that fact (among other things I'm SURE) and I had a little boy to protect...so momma bear kicked in...he was kicked away and I decided to start fresh. So I joined lavalife and thought I'd play the computer game..but strictly with men from REALLY far away to avoid ANY potential of it turning into anything other then jokes on the internet. Then I met Tony...from Fort McMurray which is 12 hours away from where I was living at the time (Fernie BC)...and crap...the rest is history...Funny thing though...HE SAVED ME. He is my everything and I can't imagine my life without him. He teaches new great things everyday, believes in me, respects and treats me like a princess. He NEVER lets me fall and goes out of his way to make sure I feel loved everyday. He kisses my forehead in the mornings before he walks out the door, trying really hard to not wake me up (but I know he does this because he half wakes me simply by leaning over...mum ears...it's instinct...but I LOVE that he tries anyhow). He calls me within seconds of finding out I'm awake just to hear my voice and most days has coffee ready for me when I wake up. And HE'S the one that goes to work. I am a princess...no, scratch that...A Queen...or at least that's what he wants me to feel like, and just knowing that he wants this for me makes me want to make him happy everyday. He's is my everything.
Ok...so that wasn't so quick...but it was necessary...The rest is pretty crazy...but I'll keep it short & sweet:
My sons' father & I came to an agreement 2 years ago for me to move to Fort McMurray to be with Tony...and to take our son Joey...The agreement was alternating primary residence for 4 years and then when Joey turned 14, he was to decide where he would live and finish high school. A respectful choice I think. This was something that kept everyones best interest in mind. I was able to relocate to be with my fiancée, Joey's dad finally had the opportunity to have his son live with him, and Joey was given the option of choosing where he felt the comfortable after spending reasonable time in each home...win/win/win. Then, 8 weeks after we moved up north, Joey's dad was tragically killed in an avalanche along with 7 of his friends. It was devastating. It happened on December 28th 2008 and was something that destroyed the entire town. Joey still has issues which will be a lifelong struggle, I'm sure. Worlds were altered and destroyed...lives were forever changed and a small town was shifted into a world of pain, which it likely didn't know could be humanly possible. It's a small town...and most people knew EVERYONE...but even if they didn't know all that were killed, they at least knew some...And so a town mourns...We just passed the second anniversary. It was hard, but life moves on and so must we.
So as a result of this life altering experience, Tony and I decided that staying on birth control was really stupid...What's it for? To keep me from having a baby...something we wanted to do right after we were married, which was only months away anyhow...what if something happened in that time and we lost out on that chance? So we decided to go off birth control and take our chances. What was the worst that could happen? I got pregnant? Oh darn!...and...well...I did. In April we found out we were expecting and that meant I needed a different wedding dress! Got one...got married...had a blast...good times. (PS...the dress I replaced my original with, was never shown to me...she said she had an empire waist but in a size 12...I said I would take it...but I was a size 6...and then the seamstress FORGOT to alter the dress. Ya...that's right...I'm THAT kind of cride...lol...good thing I have 2 awesome aunts who do that sort of thing too! haha!)
Then we found out that Joey has ADD...and ODD...so that means Attention Deficit that had not been dealt with in time therefore resulting in oppositional defiance disorder. Awesome. But it explained a lot. He wasn't very nice sometimes....and so we rectified the situation with medication. The reasoning behind this decision was the fact that he still hadn't started grieving his fathers loss even months after the accident, he suffered from anxiety and he had twitches to top it all off. OH...and by the way...my son has NEVER slept through the night...he's 12 years old...have you ever seen The Machinist? That was my fear....So this medicinal therapy will help him concentrate on things in a manner which is manageable and he can focus on getting things done. So far so good. I'm happy..but more importantly...HE'S happy.
Then I had that baby of mine....The little bugger couldn't wait to get back to the hospital...I gave birth to him in my doorway with my jacket on and the car running. Tony delivered Nathan with a wonderful 911 operator on the phone...then minutes after we gave birth to our healthy baby boy, the paramedics showed up and we made our way to the hospital...It was the CRAZIEST 10 minutes of my life...awesome....simply awesome. On our way to the hospital, I realize my infant had a DOUBLE thumb..I freaked out...lost my cool...then Tony saw it later while bathing him at the hospital...he freaked out... lost HIS cool...and we were faced with the chaos of not knowing what that meant. In the end it only meant that he was like us... doing EVERYTHING the hard way...He goes for surgery next week to have the extra little tip removed and then he starts physio to retrain himself how to use his hand (good thing he really only just learned how to use in the first place...so it shouldn't be too bad...lol) Lucky for all, this was a freak thing thing is completely isolated...apparently it happens to 1/1000 babies...and after telling a WHOLE bunch of people...I started to realize that (something like) every 4th person I was telling, knew someone or OF someone that had a similar situation...it was really neat...and comforting...By the way...the birth in the door way thing? We were front page news...it was epic...hahaha!!!
That's really about it...oh wait..no it's not....
The eating thing. ok...so I am NOT anorexic...nor bulimic. I have a phobia of vomiting...and that, coupled with anxiety means I am on a downward spiral to badness of pandemonium. I am currently in very big trouble as I can't control the weight loss. When I got pregnant, I weighed 130lbs..a healthy comfortable weight. I was fairly fit...running every so often (a habit I had fallen out of since moving to Fort McMurray...I used to run 10km a few times a week...it felt WICKED to be in great shape!) Then after I had Nathan something triggered inside me and everything fell apart. I stopped eating...almost entirely. I've had this issue since I was 15 but was always able to keep in semi-check by staying active. I lost the feeling of hunger years ago and it can only be triggered if I exercise...it's weird...Anyhow...I feel nauseas ALL the time...I never feel hungry...I can't eat a full meal and in recent months I have increased my caloric intake to about 700 per day...
The other day I weighed myself and I am now down to 106lbs (my most recent pair of pants that I purchased is a size 2!!)....It's really scary...so I started antidepressants and am DETERMINED to get back to a healthy weight...and size. I HAVE to...there is no alternative...unless you consider death an alternative...I have better things to do then die..like pick my nose....And so I will eat. and I will exercise again...and I will become healthy again...and I will be happy....
ummm....but I'm also probably going to continue to swear....likely like a trucker...cuz I'm badass like that...check it..huh...BAHAHAHAHA!!!
Oh ya...I made a few cakes last week too...but after reading all that chaos...who really cares about cakes hey? lol
|I just wanted to show this one off! hahaha! It was actually featured in the Halifax issue of Wedding Bells Magazine!!! 15 minutes of fame BABY!!! woo hoo!!|
|This just shows the baby bump...thought I'd prove I really WERE preggers! tee hee hee!!!!|
|This is my baby boy...just a few minutes old....|
|this is me crying in the doorway....literally 10 minutes after I gave birth...WTF DUDE!?|
|A little baby being wrapped up...tee hee hee!!!|
|annnnd the view from my front door...230am...our poor neighbors!!! hahahahaha!!!!|